Some recent posts combined with a revisit to an old video equals a cool coincidence!
Girl Games
The Comfort Zone Bubble
I work with a guy who is intelligent and can actually be pretty interesting if you can catch him at the right time and (the way it seems, at least) if he deems you worthy to be let in. Otherwise, your immediate view of him is that he is a ‘negative nelly’ type of person. We’ve all known someone like that, haven’t we?
I can relate to him on some levels. In my case, when I am more introverted, it is partially motivated by what I feel are noble reasons - I don’t have a desire to persuade people to believe what I believe, I don’t want to judge people - I just want to respect that their opinions are their opinions, and maybe I just have either a lot of stuff running through my head or absolutely nothing at all running through my head. Okay so maybe that last example is more ‘honest’ than ‘noble’! But look, if I put those standpoints together with ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all,’ then the resulting silence can often be misconstrued as any number of things, often negative, off-standish, or snobby. I feel that because I'm aware of this, I can make it be ‘just a part of me as’ opposed to ‘who I am.’
My co-worker doesn’t. I am afraid that he has dug in pretty tightly into his comfort zone.
I thought about this the other day - comfort zones. They are a bit of a Catch-22. Think about it. We all have a comfort zone that we can default to. Metaphorically speaking, let’s imagine that I (or you) have a comfort zone that is like an actual bubble. To start off, let’s say the bubble is as big as your living room or a similarly-sized space. For my co-worker, time and experience has caused his bubble to shrink to about a third of that space, and he remains in his comfort zone whenever possible. Since he chooses not to go outside of it, the bubble never gets stretched or expands. Doesn’t it make sense that if you grow your comfort zone bubble, then you can experience more and still stay in your comfort zone? Getting back to the visualization - if I gradually expand my bubble, I can theoretically have a bubble that is miles in diameter or more.
So then what is it that determines how big our bubble is? It’s us. We have absolute and immediate control over the size of that bubble. You don’t have to love all of the stuff you come across as you grow your bubble, but you’ll better understand what it is and how it fits into your life. It is your comfort factor with the fact that it exists that is important. So put yourself in some new positions - grow that comfort level. If you find something you don’t like, then you at least can be honest with yourself about why you don’t like it as opposed to just being apprehensive or making assumptions.
So, next time you are out for a meal order something you 'normally wouldn't order.' Go up and introduce yourself to someone new. Let's grow those bubbles!
Post back with any examples of how you have grown your comfort level bubble. Since this is all kind of vague and conceptual, others may want some extra help via specific examples. Your experiences may inspire someone else.
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Happy Warriors
From The Element by Sir Ken Robinson:
"Never underestimate the vital importance of finding, early in life, the work that for you is play. This turns possible underachievers into happy warriors." - Dr. Paul Samuelson
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You can be anything you want to be!
If I tell my daughters that they can be anything they want to be in this world, am I helping them or hurting them? Of course, the obvious answer is that I am helping them - it helps them build self-confidence and understand that hard work, natural talent, and even a little luck can get them to places that they can’t even imagine. That covers the ‘becoming anything they want’ part. However, let’s not gloss over the “anything they want to be” part. I don’t say this to add limits; I say this because just saying “anything they want to be” is almost paralyzing in that it is so vague.
Project:IDWIL is my tool to help bridge that gap - to bring some context to that vagueness. I want to take that extra step to say “Mia and Lola, you can be anything you want to be in this world. And to help you along, here is a collection of stories of people talking about what they love to do - what they decided that they wanted to be in this world. You don’t have to copy them and you may not care about some of them, but if there is even one that inspires you - that clicks with you, then let’s listen to what they have to say and try to figure out why you connect with him/her. From there, we can start to learn more about what s/he was talking about.”
If it just happens that this tool is something that also helps other people, regardless of age or station in life, then that would be about the best icing on a cake EVER!
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Finding My Tribe
Today, I was fortunate enough to sit in on a speaking engagement by Bob Chapman, CEO of Barry-Wehmiller. As he spoke about Truly Human Leadership and creating a work environment in which the organization’s main focus is in developing healthy and fulfilled people - whether it be the customers or the employees, I couldn’t help but think back to about 4 years ago.
Back then, I was in a weird spot regarding my employment. My work is contractual and at the time, the contract I was working under was being cancelled. However, this kind of thing is not open and shut. There had to be loose ends tied up on the project. This ultimately meant that I was expected to either show up to work but not have anything to work on or use up my built up comprehensive leave as needed. Either way there had to be some networking to be done in order to have somewhere to go once those loose ends were tied up.
So I started looking for jobs. I was old/experienced enough, however, to view my task differently. I wanted to work somewhere the was in my element. When I applied for jobs, I wanted to interview them, not the other way around. I distinctly remember filling out applications or writing cover letters that stated that “I was looking for my tribe” or that I was confident that I could perform any needed tasks and could learn any new skills needed as long as I was in an environment that was aligned with my own passions, hopes, and beliefs.
I received word from my current employer that a contract had opened up if I wanted to start soon (and remain with the current company; I would also retain my current salary). There really was no decision. Though this opportunity was to be a temporary employment, I needed to take it.
I don’t think that it was clear at the time that this was my tribe, but that temporary (3 month) contract has continually been extended, and I have been here for over 3 years. More importantly, I have been exposed to some of the most inspirational people and thinkers than I could have ever imagined. Although this still doesn’t feel like ‘my tribe,’ it is definitely close; for now, it has affirmed that finding “the right place for me” is exponentially better than pulling in a big salary at the cost of time away from the ones you love and at the cost of your happiness. In fact, more than likely, being in one’s element will most likely bring spiritual contentment and the salary one desires in the long run.
image by DIAC Images via flickr creative commons
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Team or Individual Sports?
When I was in college, I interviewed for a part-time job at a telecommunications company. This one is going to date me (and painfully so). At the time, Caller ID services (ack!) for land lines (double ack!) were not exactly new, but they had only been around for a few years, so that would end up being the product I was asked to help sell. None of that is important to this story, it is just kind of comical to recount.
Anyway. During the interview, I was asked a slew of generic questions, and in the middle of all of them, the interviewer asks “If you could only play one sport for the rest of your life, what would it be?” I was nervous enough not to say “why are you asking me this?” but relaxed enough to easily answer “lacrosse.” It had just started playing the sport on the university’s club team and loved it, so it was a quick and easy answer. Fast forward to the end of the interview…I had shaken off any nervousness and asked why he had asked ‘the question about sports.’ He explained that it had to do with the interviewee’s leaning regarding independent competitors/team players. Someone who said golf or tennis might be more of an independent person versus someone who answers with a team sport. There is no right or wrong, I guess - just one gauge that gets rolled up with all of those other odd questions.
That was nearly 20 years ago…tied to a job that I could not care less about. However, I still think about it. I think about it because it examines a pretty interesting facet of me (or anyone, I guess). I like golf - I can see that if you do really badly, then there is no one to blame but yourself and that if you do well, then you can fully reap all of the rewards. The public may look up to you and applaud your efforts - you may even gain world-wide recognition!
However, overall, I thrive more in a team environment.
But wait a second! One of the reasons I liked lacrosse at the time was because, as an attackman - the position designated for scoring goals, I got all kinds of props and ‘spotlight time.’ Does the interview question still work? Yes. It still works because the difference is that when you are on a team, you have a role to play within an entity that is bigger than just ‘you.’ If things don’t go well, then usually there is some one or some process built into the team to help ensure that you are covered. Also, when you do well in a team environment, then the recognition you get comes from your peers - the ones who best understand the context in which you perform. In my experience, that understanding means a lot.
Finding a balance in between having an individual sport mentality and a team sport mentality is where I really fall. In plenty of aspects of my life, I prefer the quiet “me” environment. In others, it is really important to me that people see me as dependable to fulfill my role. The same holds true with certain personality traits. The needle can swing back and forth quickly and easily, so I work to keep it as close to the center line as possible for the big picture.
Upon this introspection, I have come to understand that I am most comfortable in a support position. Self-realization about one’s traits seems so un-exciting - I mean, it is “me,” so I should know this stuff, right? But in the end, being self-aware is not always that easy. Doing so, though, can be very empowering because I can “play life” to my strengths now.
Are you more of a team player or an individual competitor?
Mynde Mayfield's image from flickr used via attribution
If you enjoy these blog posts, support what +Project:IDWIL is about, or even just know Jake, please use the tools/icons in the top right of the page to Add this to your circles; Subscribe to the blog; Like Project:IDWIL on Facebook; Follow @ProjectIDWIL on Twitter; Follow on Pinterest